Tell her
by Gasha-Aisu
Summary: Heero get's confronted with his feelings for Relena. 1xR some 2xH
1. The fight

Disclaimer:I do not own gundam wing, if I did you wouldn't be reading this, but watching instead!

Tell her, by Gasha Aisu

Silently Heero grabbed his preventor jacked and went of to work. He didn't even flinch when the cold wind froze his cheeks and nipped at his clothers. For flinching wouldn't be calm and collected, and that Heero Yuy was. Heero was someone who could never be found smiling, someone who never made mistakes, and someone who could remain gracefull even if they lost. Heero didn't do things that would embarres him, he never drank more than he could handle, he never tripped. Unlike a certain fellow ex-pilot who called himself God of Death.

Heero still hadn't figuered out, how Duo could change from a kind, cheerfull baka, to a cold rutheless killing machine. But then again, so could the others. He entered the building and unlocked his office. Few greeted him, who got a nod in return, but most didn't even dare to look at him, they weren't even spared a glance. Yes, he unnerved people, something about him being a ex-pilot and his icy gaze. Only children weren't faced, Duo Maxwell was one of them. The baka would probebly be late...again. Heero didn't roll his eyes, although he had the urge to so. He knew he should 'losen up'as Duo would put it, but he couldn't. The only time he smiled, no smirk but a _real_ smile, was with Relena.

And a scarry experiense for Heero. It had been just another day, when he had smiled for the first time, but somehow Relena convinced him to have lunch with her. She did that more often, as they we're considerd friends now. Really good friends, it still scared him now an then. Sure he had more friends, the fellow ex-gundam pilots we're like family to him. But none of them could make him feel the way he did with Relena. Like he didn't need to be so cold, like he could laugh to, like he could enjoy life. She could make him forget about the blood that stained his hands, ever since the age of eight. He didn't control his feelings with her, and it scared him. He could selfdestruct withoud a moment of thought, he could blow up mobible dolls, he could shoot anyone between the eyes with the skill of a true assasin. And yet, a girl to kind for this world could scare him. To say Heero was touchy about that subject was an understatement. He and Relena were just friends but anyone could say they had a...a..._thing..._ a **something** that draw them to each other. Nobody dared to speak to Heero about Relena except if it involved her safety. Nobody except that baka, Duo Maxwell. And _that_ unnerved Heero Yuy. Let's just say he wasn't in a good mood.

Silently he typed the hours away on his computer, completing some of his files. However Heero found that he couldn't get his thoughts of a certain blond angel, that had prenetated his sick mind ever since the war. With a grunt Heero got up and glanced at the clock. Lunch time already, and the baka wasn't here. Heero frowned. That minute the door bursted open.

"Sorry I'm late buddy, but Hilde and I finally got together"he explained. Duo's eyes sparkled and he was wearing a goofy grin. _O yeah, they got together alright._

Heero just glared at Duo. "Don't let it happen again"he simply stated and made a move to go out of his office, but Duo's arm stopped him. The goofy expression was gone, and all the sudden Duo had a serious expression Heero and the other gundam pilots only got to see a few times. Heero crossed his arms, a sign that he was lisening, and waited for Duo to continue.

"I was scared to Heero, but you gotta make a move, the princess is obviously just as much in love with you as you are with her. Tell her buddy"Duo said, starting gentle knowing this was going to turn out into a heated argument.

Heero's glare turned into a scowl and made a move to go out the office again but Duo stepped to the side blocking his path.

"Let me through Maxwell"

"Not unless you promise me to tell her"

"I don't love her Duo"

"Yes you do and any fool can see it"

Heero simply looked at him, and glared when Duo met his stare. Heero didn't notice his nails digging into his palms. His eyes flashed in repressed fury. He was _not_ going to make a fool out of himself. He would **not** allow Duo the satisfaction. However Duo was still blocking his path. _Forget lunch, I'm going straight for the gym the minute that baka let's me through. _

Heero crossed his arms, turning into complete perfect soldier again, complete in control of his emotions.

"What are you expecting Duo, me running of to the nearest flower shop to go and declare my undieying love for Relena?"he asked drily, raising one eye brow.

Duo remained unnerved, he could be scary at times.

"It would be a start"

Heero's glare returned at full power.

"Sorry to dissapoint you, now move"he hissed.

Duo crossed his arms, two could play that game. He had just tasted heaven and he wanted to share it with Heero. Heero wasn't the only one who could be stubborn.

"Make me"he replied, clearly chalaging him.

Heero wanted to _hurt_ Duo at this point, but his ever lasting control wouldn't let him. He would not allow Duo to make a fool out of him! Afteral the baka didn't realise he left the door open... Heero didn't replie he just pushed him out of the way and again tried to get out of his own damm office. Only this time Duo stopped him with words.

"She cries"

Heero stopped, but didn't turn to face Duo.

"She cries every night, everyone knows. Her smiles are as fake as mine were..."

He glared at the audiance, who quickly pretended to 'work'.

"She's lonely... I can't stand seeing my friends like that!"

Duo didn't know, he wouldn't know. How could anybody understand him? Understand what it takes to become perfect? How sick you have to be to **be** a perfect soldier? He didn't pretend...he **was. **

"She's God damm lonely Heero, and here you are, doing nothin' about it!"

At this Heero spun around, still silent just glaring. They both ignored the curious looks from fellow preventors. The stood for a long time, just glaring at each other, before Heero opened his mouth;

"You don't know Duo.."

"No, you're right, I don't know what shit you've been through. But we all have a past Heero, maybe not as worse as yours but pretty damm close to it!"

Duo was trembling now, shaking with fury at the helplesness of it all. Why couldn't Heero understand? Why couldn't he understand what hell life was for Relena withoud him by her side? How lonely they **both **we're withoud each other.

"Maybe you're really a sick bastard like you say you are. Maybe you enjoy hurting her"Duo hissed, anger speaking for him.

That did it.

Somewhere Heero knew Duo didn't mean it, but dammit that bastard deserved it. His fist shot out, hitting Duo squarly by the jaw. Duo returned the favor after recovering from the blow. Before anyone coulnd blink the two ex-pilots we're beating the bottled up emotions out on each other. They fought unlike they would fight an enemy. They swung wildly hitting were ever they could reach.

A crowd soon filled Heero's doorway, but none dared to interfere. Seperating two killing machines was nothing but plain suicide. Finally a brave preventor dared to jump between them. Sally somehow managed to get a hold on Duo, and Heero stopped suddenly realising what he was doing by Sally's interferance.

"Dammit"he quetly swore, whiping the blood from his chin.

"You can let go now Sally"Duo told her, somewhat embarresed. Heero just glared at him.

Sally let go of him, not withoud hesetation though.

"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?"came a voice from behind the crowd.

Both gundam pilots gulped, and turn to face their biggest fear.

Lady Une.


	2. Lady Une

Well here is chapter two. To be honest, I was planning on keeping it a one shot, but then...

I got a review! Yay, anyway, heeroinadress asked me to continue this...well sort of. Anyway, I showed it to a friend of mine and she said to continue this too!

So Sunraia, and heeroinadress, whoever you are, this is for you!

Disclaimer: don't own Gundam Wing.....THE HORROR...

Tell her, chapter two: Lady Une…

By Gasha Aisu

"You two, into my office... NOW!" Lady Une ordered, her voice icy.

Nobody dared to go against her, not even two Gundam pilots. Lady Une could be scary at times...

Heero glared one last time at Duo, before pushing himself silently through the crowd. Even Heero Yuy, perfect soldier, couldn't get himself to look at Lady Une. At least not now, when her gaze would be a mixture of disappointment and anger. Duo soon followed.

Both pilots stood silently in her office, waiting for Lady Une to begin.

Lady Une however, ignored them completely, and sorted her files. Finally she looked up, eyes flashing. Heero stood his ground, already slipped into perfect soldier mode. Duo however, gulped nervously and resisted the urge to run, or at least take a step back.

"To say I am not pleased with two fellow Preventors fighting would be an understatement." she started, calmly taking her glasses off and cleaning them.

Both pilots were silent.

"But I am curious what it was that made the perfect soldier lose its cool…" she resumed, putting her glasses back on. She glanced at Heero, who stood as if he was made out stone. She waited for an answer.... and got none.

"Well?" she asked, slightly irritated at the lack of response.

Duo opened his mouth but Heero beat him to it.

"Nothing worth mentioning."

Lady Une only raised an eyebrow.

"Really? Two ex-Gundam pilots, two Preventors, fighting over nothing?" she asked, icily. But Heero could almost hear the: _see how you get out of this one... _

"It wouldn't be about a certain vice-foreign minister who we all know and love?" she asked, when she got nothing but silence.

Duo glanced at Heero, and that was answer enough for Lady Une. She smirked, and Heero tensed.

_Something tells me I'm not going to survive this._

"Interesting" she... _purred_, resting her head on her hands. If possible, Heero tensed even more.

_I'm definitely **not** going to survive **this**..._

Duo took a step back, obviously freaked out because of Lady Une's strange behaviour.

"Let me give you boys just one peace of advice" she purred along, now traumatising both pilots.

"Whoa-what?" Duo asked, somehow finding his voice.

_Don't know how he does it, how can you say something to a...a...**purring** Lady Une?!_

"Fighting is bad for your reputation, and mine too, so if I ever find you boys fighting again...

YOU´RE GOING TO **CLEAN** MY OFFICE UNTIL YOU CAN **SEE** YOUR OWN **FACE** IN **MY** DESK, DO I MAKE MYSELF **CLEAR**?" she suddenly exploded.

Duo ´eeped´ and hid behind Heero, whose neutral face was showing hinds of absolute horror.

"Well?" an angry, impatient, Lady Une hissed.

"Yes, ma'am" Heero quickly replied. A glare made sure she got the same response from Duo.

"Good, and Heero, just save us _and _yourself the trouble, and just tell her, will you?" she asked, returning to normal again. Heero´s jaw tensed, but remained calm.

"That's all, you're dismissed" Lady Une told them, already buried in her work.

The pilots saluted, and resisted the urge to **run the hell out off the damn office.**

The minute the door closed, Lady Une´s facade slipped, and she giggled until she was wiping the tears out of her eyes.

Heero silently made his way to his office, Duo right on his tail. He didn't care, his chin was throbbing, he had paper work to do, and a hell of a lot of thinking. Heero stepped into his office and made his way to his desk. He glanced at Duo when he sat down, something was wrong. Duo hadn't spoken to him ever since they stepped out of Lady Une's shiver office. Not that Heero minded, but it was highly uncommon for Duo to shut op longer than five seconds. Duo was perfectly silent for five minutes now, not talking, humming or even whistling. It unnerved Heero, but he decided to stay silent. For three hours both pilots worked silently on their work.

_Something is **wrong**..._

Heero glanced up and met the cold stare of Duo.

_Something is definitely wrong..._

Heero didn't break eye contact and waited for Duo to speak up, or look away. Duo decided to do both. Finally looking away from Heero and to his screen, Heero couldn't help but do the same.

"You haven't seen her in a while, have you?"

Duo's casual comment surprised Heero, who blinked before returning his attention back to his screen.

"I have actually, she doesn't eat enough" he told Duo, with his eyes still glued to his laptop.

Duo glared at him, although Heero didn't see it.

"And why's that?"

Duo's cold voice seemed unnatural to Heero..

"Just say what you have to say, Duo" he told the pilot icily.

"She's consumed by her work, if she isn't busy with her friends or family. Don't you see Heero? She doesn't allow herself to rest because she's lonely, and is reminded to that if she's got time to think"

Heero didn't reply, how could he? What do you say to something like that?

_I know and it's killing me to..._

"Look at me, bastard"

Duo's voice was filled with anger, and was so cold it almost scared Heero. Almost. He just survived Lady Une, remember? So Heero did, he did look at Duo. And he saw how uptight and angry his normally smiling friend was. And he stood up.

"Don't think she's the only one hurt" he told Duo in almost the same voice. Duo took a few moments before leaving the office.

Duo sighed and shook his head.

"That guy's gonna kill himself unless we do something about it" he told the security camera.

Somewhere in a security office the rest of the pilots agreed.

I know!!!! It was a shorter chapter, but I like the end as it is now.

Poor Relena, poor Heero...will everything turn out alright?

I hope you enjoyed this, and maybe review????

Bye for now!

Gasha Aisu


	3. Troubled

Tell her, chapter 3: Troubled

By Gasha Aisu

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam wing, nor do I own a spelling program...

He was running, running away from it al. Branches scratched him but he didn't care. He didn't feel. He didn't feel anything except one feeling he had never felt before.

Panic.

Heero Yuy was known about his calm posture, his neutral face, and clear head even in the midst of battle. And here he was, running away like a damn coward.

Take a good look, this is the coward who saved earth.

The same damn coward that made her cry, the bastard that deserved to die. He tripped over something, he couldn't see what, it was too dark. But then again, it's supposed to be dark at three in the morning.

He was running, he was running for several weeks now. Every morning he would wake up from horrifying dreams, distressed. And he had no one to turn to, no one who could comfort him. No one he would let close enough. There were a few who would, but he wouldn't let them. So instead, the mighty Heero Yuy, Gundam pilot 01, ran. He ran like a damn coward.

He grimaced as he hit the solid ground beneath him. The fallen leaves did nothing to prevent his hurtful fall. Heero _could_ fall from a building without a scratch. If he had a clear mind. But _not_ this morning, when he was panicking.

_Ice cold eyes stared at him. LEAVE ME ALONE. They grabbed him...._

"No... no... Leave me alone" he panted and got up again.

Half-tripping he ran, blindly, only his arms prevented the branches from hitting his face. His arms were covered in scratches by now, since the only thing he had on were his boxers and jeans. The only clothes Heero managed to get on in his panic. It had always been for him this way. If he hadn't got missions to focus on, he would be in a state of almost panic every time he woke up. The only time he had slept peacefully was when he was hit unconscious or when he slept in _her_ arms.

_Relena..._

Heero's normally neutral face was clearly distressed. Blood and slaughter haunted his dreams, and chased him now. He vaguely noted that he was almost hyperventilating in his state of panic. He didn't notice that he was on bare feet and that small wounds were beginning to form from the run. He didn't care, he needed to get away.

Get away from all that lied behind him. Get away for all the reasons that stopped him from ending his and Relena's suffering. Get away from himself, from the demons that haunted him as a child, the demons only he could destroy. Away from the hurt, pain, and suffering.

Heero Yuy never knew _fear_, he had always been the one who was _feared_. But the emotions he was feeling right now were both fear and panic. He closed his eyes but opened them almost immediately, for he saw _her_ eyes. Relena's eyes full of pain, and sadness _he_ had caused.

_Forgive me Relena, I don't think I'll ever be able to love you in the open. For in the shadows is where a scum like me belongs. I don't think I'll ever be able to stand up to my fears..._

He yelled in fright as he stumbled into an open clearing. The same open clearing he hadn't been able to reach before, because he passed out before it. The last time he had seen it, lying just a few inches away. And now he found himself standing in it. Head low, his hands in fist besides him. Without making any sound, the young hero fell again. He looked at the stars before closing his eyes and surrendering to the darkness inside him.

_I'm sorry Relena..._

He didn't... didn't deserve her. He decided as he licked his lips nervously. He was pacing around in the room he had awoken in. He was pacing around like a caged tiger, ready to strike if necessary, senses alert. He _knew_ something was up. Just like he had in the office. He didn't think he was kidnapped, but he was _found_ however. And he had a feeling his _friends _weren't going to let him go anytime soon. He had a feeling they were getting _her._ And he didn't want to _be_ here when she came. It was hard enough as it was, without her in the room. The run had made him edgy, nervous. And it made it hard to slip back in perfect soldier mode.

His emotions have been harder to control now peace was attained. He was free to do as he wished, and he wished to be with her more then anything. But, well, he had his reasons not to. And so he was nervous. Because it was getting harder and harder to stay away from her, and being in the same room with her didn't help. Especially _now. _He ran a hand through his hair, something he always did when he was frustrated. He clenched his fist, something was _wrong._ He managed to run further this time, they found him this time. A sign that he had been longer out of it then he normally was. And he couldn't get back in his perfect soldier mode. Well, he always was the perfect soldier. But sometimes he let it wash over him, like an unseen force giving him strength and he would be whole again. The perfect soldier.

Somehow he couldn't get himself to accept who he was, what he had been made, the perfect soldier. He didn't know why, but that little voice that told him to follow his emotions. That little voice that always insisted that he was human, that part in him that hadn't died yet, was stronger then ever. It had almost died in the war, but it was back. And it fought the perfect soldier. He ran his hand through his hand again and glanced at the security camera. Somehow he knew, his 'family' was behind it. Meaning the rest of the Gundam pilots and some of the girls. They were watching him, and they looked him into this room. He smirked. Duo must have convinced them to. He pulled himself together and forced himself to sit on the bed. He closed his eyes and tried again. He became aware of everything in the room, he could practically _feel_ were everything was. He exhaled and this time it worked. He shivered as he felt the cold of the darkness in him complete him. He was, once again, whole. He knew who he was. He was the perfect soldier. And perfect soldiers were meant to be alone. He opened his eyes, they were cold, uncaring. His frustrated face slipped back into a neutral one. Yes, he could function again. Now, how to get of this room?

No window, one door which was locked. A closet with nothing in it. He was just in his jeans with nothing in his pockets. His wounds had been cleaned, and some stitched, so he should be able to function properly. And a security camera which was watching his every move. Although hidden, Heero knew exactly were it was. Without thinking he looked straight into the camera and smirked. As if they were going to keep him there....

Slowly he stood up and walked to it, he grabbed the camera and smashed it. Now, he had only a few minutes before they would come bursting in here and it was enough. He grabbed a piece of the smashed camera and fiddled with the lock. The door opened. And he stood, a new plan forcing it's way into his mind. He left the door as it was and walked to the closet. It could hold him. He opened it and hid in it. Now for the wait...

He didn't have to wait long before Duo, Trowa and Quatre came storming in. Duo looked around frowning, his usual smile forgotten. Quatre sighed, and shook his head. Trowa however looked straight at him. Heero smirked, he always had a understanding with the silent pilot. He made a move to get out, but Trowa's subtle shake of his head stopped him. Heero frowned, but decided to stay put.

"I don't think he's still in here you guys, and I don't feel like running after him" Quatre spoke up, looking at Duo. Duo shrugged.

"I know you guys didn't agree (Heero smirked, he was always right wasn't he?) but I'm kind of worried for the guy. I mean the state we found him in. I was hoping the princess would get something out of him"

Quatre shook his head, somehow disappointed. And Trowa made his way out of the room. Duo and Quatre followed.

Frowning Heero got out of the closet and made his way to the door. Grabbing the handle he did nothing to open the door. He stood there, somehow hesitating. He was letting his friends down... and they didn't know why. Maybe he should stop and explain.

_An iron hand reached out to grab him, cold eyes stared at him. He was helpless._

Heero closed his eyes and his grip on the handle tightened. He took a shuttering breath and tried to get the horrifying images out of his head. It didn't work.

_He was helpless as they could do anything they wanted with him. And they did. Pain seared through him, just like disgust and hate. The pain was becoming unbearable._

Without thinking Heero opened the door, and his eyes, and ran out. He completely ignored the other pilots waiting outside. So they had another camera, he didn't care. He ran past them. He had to get away... He had to get away....

_Cold eyes, and a cold hand. That was what greeted him every night._

Heero's eyes suddenly became filled with hurt, pain and other emotions. Perfect soldier was incomplete again.

_He had no one to turn to. No one to hold him._

Heero didn't utter a sound as he ran into another Preventor, he quickly got up and resumed running. He needed to get away, the clearing. He needed to get to the clearing.

_Relena..._

No, he would not let this stupid emotions get to him, he had to get away. He had to stay perfect, it was the only thing that had kept him alive for so long. The only thing he could rely on.

_Cold, alone, fear. He had no one but himself._

Suddenly he saw her. In the middle of the hall. No one was there but him and Relena. Her eyes were filled with surprise, before it was replaced by worry.

_He could trust no one._

"Heero?"

Funny, how she always had a way to get to him. His running stopped as he slowly walked to her.

_And he was alone._

"What's wrong Heero?"

_No one would hold him, he just had to live with that._

She reached out her hand and cupped his cheek. Funny, he didn't realise they were this close.

_Alone..._

She smiled at him and he held her eyes. Somehow he couldn't help but lean in to her touch.

_Alone... he was to disgusting to hold. Not that he would let anyone._

He was calm now, she always had that effect on him. God, he loved her.

_Alone..._

She dropped her hand from his cheek and stepped closer. For the first time, he didn't step away.

"Do you want me to hold you, Heero?"

_To survive he must trust no one but himself._

"Relena..."

_Confusion was never an issue, unless it involved emotions._

Somehow she took it as a yes. Without speaking she slipped her arms around his waist. He tensed.

"Relax, Heero" she whispered.

And he did. Slowly he relaxed into her touch. His troubled mind slowly calming down. He buried his head in her neck. Inhaling her smell he relaxed even more. Relena hold him, stroking his back soothingly. Her eyes closed.

_Closing your eyes in another ones presence, is a sign of trust. He never closed his eyes unless it was to blink._

He closed his eyes as well.

The rest of the pilots found him like that. Relaxed in Relena's hold. They nodded to her, and made sure no one would interfere.

Heero never felt this peaceful.

**To be continued... or not...**

What do you think?

You like it?

Until next time!

Gasha Aisu


	4. Nightmares and trust

Thanks **everyone **for reviewing. And -yuy-a:) I think your over estemating me, I'm not that good at writing, but thanks for reviewing anyway. I hope you have a nice day:P

Tell her chapter 4: Nightmare and trust.

Duo walked down the hall. They taken Heero to the office of Sally, wich was quickly formed into a made shift hospital room. The equiptment was already there, Sally still needed to function as docter now and then, despite her protest. She didn't protest however when they brought an unconsious Heero into her office. Somehow Heero blacked out in Relena's arms, the only one who he seemed to trust. Duo quickly shook his head, no he trusted them to (meaning the fellow pilots) he just didn't show it. Princess just had a special effect on him, but then again she had that effect on anyone, she just had that gift. Duo chuckled, remembering when he practically forced Wufei to go and talk to her. He had a feeling he did, for he and Sally were together for two months now.

His look turned serious and he sighed as he remembered the look in Heero´s eyes when he rushed out of the room. It had been the same look he, and the other pilot´s saw each time they looked in the mirror at night. Absolute terror. Heero was haunted by what he was, did and felt. At least his eyes hadn´t been empty like they usually were, that had to count for something. Duo shuddered, he didn´t know if he liked the look in his eyes period. The sadness that he had seen when he stormed out, or the empty look they usually were. They weren´t natural. He hoped they were still on time to save the guy. From himself...

He opened the door and stepped into Sally's office, now hospital room. He was slightly surprised to find all the pilots, plus Sally and Relena in the room.

"Were's the crowd for?"he asked.

They all looked, glared, or smirked at him. Heero was unconcious, lying still in his bed in the corner of the room.

"Sorry I asked"he mumbled, taken aback.

He noticed Relena, and frowned confused. He knew the princess cared for his buddy, but wasn't there some meeting she should go to? She had her duties afteral, the world coudn't stop spinning just because his buddy went mad...right? Apparently Quatre wondered the same.

"Not that I mind, but why are you here, Relena?"Quatre asked, earning the attention from almost everyone in the room, "don't the people need you?" Relena blushed and slightly bowed her head.

"She can't leave this room, or his side for that mattter"Sally answered. Duo blinked confused, but the other's hardly showed emtion, beside Quatre who blinked along with

"Well, why not?"Duo asked.

Sally sighed and looked at Relena.

"Why don't you show them?"

Relena frowned.

"B-but…well okay then"

Slowely she got up, and walked away, looking over her shoulder hesitant to leave. Heero´s neutral expression dissapeared as he frowned. She walked past Duo and looked over her shoulder again, it was as if some unseen force pulled her back to him, she didn't **want** to leave. Heero's frown had deapened, and he was starting to sweat, as if he was having a nightmare. Relena closed her eyes en opened the door. Heero made a sound in discomfort. Slowely she stepped outside and closed the door. Heero's frown turned into a expression of terror as the sounds got louder. Finally the sounds formed to words.

"No....no...I don't want to...don't make me"he mumbled, and tossed in his sleep. The other ex-pilot's looked with an neutral expression, or with a worried look. Heero's movements got quicker, more desperate as his heartspeed increased. "No"he mumbled again, "no...I don't want... to be... the perfect soldier"

Duo blinked. He didn't? Of course he didn't...who would?

Sally sighed. "Obviously he is traumatised"she spoke clearly, sadness taining her voice. The other's nodded.

"We're all screwed up"Duo mumbled. Sally looked at him.  
"Yes, but you all have someone to comfort you don't you?" They were silent, it was true.  
"He seemed to be the strongest of us, I always thought he could handle it"Quearte confessed, guilt clearly in his voice. Duo nodded.

"So did I somethimes, Q-man. I guess we all made that mistake, but he doesn't let anyone in either"

"NO"Heero suddenly yelled, clearly distressed, ending their conservation, "No, I don't want to...don't make me...I want somebody to hold me....why do you make me like this? Why do you make me into this monster?"

They blinked. Heero thought he was a monster?

"No, I don't want to be an ice cold dead body, I don't want to kill...I don't want to be perfect...I'm not disgusting...I.."Heero continued, to deep into his dreams to notice anything else, "don't force me....don't hurt me...stop hurting me...." Now even Trowa and Wufei seemed worried.

"What did they do to him?"Quarte whispered. They didn't want to know.

"Alone...all alone"Heero mumbled, and shook his head his breathing became forced, almost hyperventilating. He kept trashing around and almost hit Sally when she grabbed the vase by his bedstand before he broke it.

"All alone...don't want to....need...to.....pain....so much pain..."he mumbled, and suddenly started screaming, "NO, leave me alone! I **don't want to kill**, don't **make** me kill. STOP HURTING ME. NO, there is got to be another way not to get hurt withoug being perfect. **STOP HURTING ME**!!" They shuddered. The tone in Heero's voice was so desperate, heart broken, as if he saw his mother dying before his very eyes. His hoarse voice would haunt them for weeks.

Sally looked at the pilots, they saw enough now. "RELENA"she yelled, knowing it would be a while before Heero would allow himself to call her name, even though he was asleep. Relena inmedeatly rushed in. She ignored everyone else in the room and sat down beside him on the bed.

"Heero I'm here"she told him, and touched his shoulder.

"Everyone....hurt....so...much...pain"he mumbled.

"Heero"she whispered.

"Can't....get...anyone....close....hurt...so much pain"he mumbled again, his face as disstressed as his voice was.

"I won't hurt you Heero"she assured him. Heero frowned, but stayed silent. "Heero"she whispered again, and softly carresed his cheek. "Nobody's going to hurt you Heero"

Heero suddenly got up and grabbed her in a crushing hold. Relena brought his arms around him, and started to softly stroke his back. Apperantly it was to much for Heero to bare. He needed her, he needed all his friends, he just didn't show it.

"It's alright I'm here Heero"she told him gently, rocking him as a child. Heero made a noise wich sounded like a whimper but they weren't sure, and burried his head in her neck.

"I'm a monster"he murmled. Relena shook her head.

"No, your not Heero"she responded, her voice as gentle as it could be. She stroked his back with one hand, while the other found it's way to his hair. Rocking him like a child, she continued to softly talk to him. She felt him slowely relaxing against her, and his crushing hold on her slightly relaxed.

"I'm not going anywhere Heero"she whispered.

Now his hold relaxed enough to breathe properbly.

"I'm not going to leave you, relax"she told him again. His response was to do as she ordered.

"I'm sorry"he murmled.

Slowely his hands fell to her sides, and the only thing that was holding him up to her were her own arms. Gently she put him down, and covered him in the sheets. He was still frowning, so she carresed his face untill it was once again in it's neutral way. He never opened his eyes.

She sighed. No, Heero Yuy perfect soldier would never look peacefull. She finally looked to the others. They all looked worried.

"I never seen Heero this desperate"Quatre whispered, shocked. Duo shook his head, and Trowa placed his hand on the shoulder of his friend, a silent support.

"Not only is his mind troubled"Sally finally spoke up, returning to her doctor mode, "but his body suffered as well. He wasn't taking care for himself and hardly slept. If he keeps this up, he willt collaps again, and maybe even slip into comathose.He needs to get some rest. From the state his body is in, I'm thinking he never got a moment of rest ever since the war" Wufei stood beside her, as comforting as he could be.

"Heero won't slow down"Trowa suddenly spoke. Quatre blinked but then nodded.

"No he won't. Nobody can force him, the only way to get him to rest is to convince him to"Quatre agreed. Duo got a dissturbing smirk and Relena, who knew that smirk, quickly bowed her head and foccussed her attention on Heero.

"You know..."Duo started, and Relena tenced, "Heero only relaxes when he knows for sure the princess is safe" The other's immedeatly focussed her attention on Relena.

"She argues on a daily basis, everybody knows she's good at convincing people"Wufei added. Now they were all wearing disturbing smirks.

"And we want him to relax, don't we?"Duo spoke, o so 'innencent'.

"Yes, my diagnose would be for him to stay **close** to the one's he **trust, **and love And one who **cares** enough for **him** to take him into **her** home."Sally said, and she winked at Relena. Relena gulped and forced herself to wear her political mask.

"What are you suggesting?"she managed to get out withoud stuttering.

Well that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed it.

Have a nice day

Gasha Aisu


	5. Ugh intelligent titel isn't it?

Tell her chapter 5: Ugh

By Gasha Aisu.

Ugh, he had a headache. What the hell hit him? Oh, right, now he remembered. Fighting with Duo, Lady Une's office, going home, waking up, running, waking up again in that damn room, escaping, and... Relena.

"What are you suggesting?"

Wait, he didn't imagine that did he? No, Relena was there all right. Then, he was awake? Somehow he couldn't force his limbs to move. Half awake then...

"I'm suggesting you move in with Heero, I think he needs you and it is the most practical solution. You don't have to agree now, he will not wake until next week or so" someone, he thought it was Sally, explained. Wait, they where worried? Damn it, he showed too much then.

He heard Duo chuckle.

"You're underestimating Heero. I'm guessing he will wake up at any moment now"

Smart-ass, what did he know? He felt a light weight settle on his hand. It felt soft. He guessed it was Relena. He knew she was near, he could practically _feel_ her. He was to close to her already, the last thing he needed now was to have her near him everyday for an underestimated time. Or having her squeezing his hand in a softening gesture, not knowing he was awake, and him actually enjoying the gesture. He _knew_ he would soften too much. And doctor Y said he had to prevent that at all cost. But then again, didn't he kill himself?

"I'm not _under_estimating him" Sally argued, "I'm actually _over_ estimating him. With the lack of sleep he's been having, combined with the stress and training, he should be out cold until next month"

Was it time to let them know he was hearing everything already? Hn. No.

"I really don't think Heero would appreciate it if I moved in with him. End of discussion. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to do some paper work" Relena suddenly spoke.

Heero unconsciously frowned when he felt her moving away. It was as if the sun suddenly disappeared right when you're enjoying it on the beach.

"Where do you think you're going?" Wufei spoke, somewhat aggressively.

"You know what happens when you leave the room. You don't want him screaming again, do you?" Quatre added, more fierce then what they where used to. But then again, he would do anything for his friends... Wait a minute, he screamed? How, why? Oh, right, the nightmares. He tensed by the mere memory of them. For some reason, he wanted Relena to hold his hand again. He felt anxious, although he couldn't tell why.

Apparently Relena hesitated. He knew, he didn't know _how_ but he _did._ When he felt her taking her seat again, and returning to his side, he relaxed. Her hand found it's way to his hand again, and the other brushed away his annoying hair.

"I'm sorry you guys, I'm just really worried. I get irrational, and bitchy when I am"

Now he felt the stares of everybody in the room on him. Just great. But difficulty he managed to keep his normal expression. Maybe he should wake up now.

"I still think you should move into his apartment" Sally suddenly spoke up.

He _knew_ Duo was grinning like mad now, not because he had the same connection with his as with Relena, but he knew his 'buddy' long enough.

"Yeah, and if you move now, hewon't have anything to say into this" Duo said 'helpfully'.

It was definitely time to wake up. All this listening was giving him a headache anyway. He groaned. Ugh.

Slowly he opened his eyes, and looked at Duo. Since he was close he was the only one he could clearly see. The light blinded his eyes.

"Go away" he murmured, raising his arm and putting it over his eyes. His other hand still nicely held the one Relena was holding.

"He spoke!" Duo exclaimed cheerfully, completely ignoring Heero's command. The other's stayed silent, either shocked, or mildly amused.

"Yes, and I wish I didn't" Heero responded, removing his arm and blinking because of the bright light. Somehow, he didn't feel as cheerful as his friend did.

"Nice to know you're as cheerful as always" Wufei commended dryly, raising his eyebrow.

Heero sighed, and tried to look around. But the room was just to damn bright.

"Who else is here?" he decided to ask. Keeping his eyes firmly shut.

"We're all here Heero" Quatre said, his voice gentle as always. Trowa and Wufei stayed silent, but it was nice to know they where there anyway. Heero knew Duo was smirking and knew what he was going to say. _Guess who is holding your hand?_

"Shut up Maxwell"

He knew he should look offended right now.

"I didn't say anything!" Duo responded, a tone in his voice as if he was falsely accused.

"You didn't have to" Heero responded just as quick. Slowly he tried opening his eyes again. Then blinked confused.

"Isn't this your and Sally's office?" he asked, looking at Wufei. Wufei smirked, Sally looked irritated.

"Yeah it is, only you decided to collapse and make this a made shift hospital room. By the way, you should have stayed unconscious until Monday, you made me look like a fool" she commented dryly, and walked over to check his status. Heero only smirked.

"Can you sit up?" she asked. He felt Relena's hand leave his, giving him room for some reason perhaps she was embarrassed, and he fought the urge to grab it back again. Slowly he made a move to sit up.

Searing pain went through him. Doctor Y's cold eyes came back to him. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt like running again. He shot up, and clenched his eyes shut, fighting against the pain and the sudden urge to run, again. He clenched his teeth, his eyes shut. He felt the wave of panic once again coming up, he tried to fight it, but it was to overwhelming. He knew it was just a matter of time before he ran again. He clenched his fist, and tensed.

Then out of nowhere, Relena's arms where around him again. Softly she pulled him sideways so that he was resting against her. His head under her chin. Breathing heavily.

"It's okay Heero, you just woke up, don't rush it" she calmed him, but her eyes questioned Sally, who frowned. This just wasn't normal.

"Heero, what did doctor Y do to you?" Sally questioned, her eyes wide and her voice soft.

Heero didn't answer. He was too busy trying to control himself, too busy with taking in Relena's sweet sent and the way her hold felt. Focussing completely on her. Somehow she always calmed him. And right now, al he wanted was to be calmed, to be held. Without thinking, he slumped against her and one arm found it's way around her. His hand grabbed some of her shirt on her back, and he was satisfied, he had something to hold onto now. He closed his eyes, letting the darkness once again consume him. It was ironic, how the only thing that could calm him down, was the one thing he could never have, he didn't deserve. But _did_ want, no, _needed_.

Relena's love.

And the funny thing was, that all he had to do was ask. No, all he had to do was to tell her he loved her. But Heero would not allow himself to do that. He did not allow himself to feel such happiness, he didn't deserve it. He was convinced of that.

The pilot's were silent. All as calm as they could be, but there was no doubt that they where troubled, worried. Worried, because of their friend. Trowa stood against the wall, silent as usual, but his neutral face was ruined by his worried frown. Wufei sat on his chair, his elbows resting on his knees, his hand clasped together, he to had a worried frown. Quatre stared out the window, and made no effort to hide what he was feeling. Anguish, worry, fear. His hand was placed on the cool glass, as if it was the only thing that kept him in reality, and kept him from drowning in his thoughts. Duo didn't made any comments, it was neither the time, nor the place to joke. Duo's mouth was set on a grim line, and besides worry there was also anger on his face. Why didn't Heero come to them? He couldn't understand.

The door opened, and immediately they all fixed their stares on it. Sally came into the room, the same emotions on her face as on the pilots. Une followed her, she was notified the minute Heero collapsed. Something was wrong, and something had to be done. And Une was going to make sure it was done. Sally took the chair that faced the other chairs, and Trowa and Duo immediately sat down, waiting for her to start. Une calmly walked on, and placed herself on the chairs facing Sally. Quatre managed to pull himself from the window, hesitated, and then sat down. They where listening. The silence that hung into the air still not broken. Sally finally looked up and prepared herself for what she knew was going to me the longest conservation in years.

"We all know something is wrong. There is no telling _what _exactly, not until he wakes up and tells us. The only thing we know is that Relena is the only one who is able to calm him down. I think he was projected with something years back, the nightmares he's been having aren't natural. No normal nightmare can make anyone run like that, especially a ex-gundampilot" She started, her voice as calm as her posture was.

She looked up, her face calm, but her eyes showed disturbance. The pilot's where silent, but now openly showing concern. Even lady Une's mouth was set in a grim line.

"But we need to find out what it is what's wrong. We need to find out fast" She braced herself, and forced the last words to come out, thanking God for her doctor's practise.

"If we don't find out fast enough. There is no telling what those nightmares can do to him" she held the eyes of everyone in the room before continuing, "he might just die"

The pilot's tensed. And lady Une massaged the bridge of her nose.

It was then that Trowa nodded.

"Relena" he said simply.

The others looked at him blankly, or even frowned. But Duo nodded.

"Yeah, she's the only one who can get through him. If anyone can convince Heero it's best if they let her in, it's Relena herself"

Sally nodded. And lady Une raised her eyebrow.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" she asked Sally, "go tell the girl what's wrong with Heero, and let her handle the rest"

Sally smirked, and mock saluted, before going to do what Une practically ordered her to.

Lady Une sighed and looked at the pilots.

"You're all so complicated" she said lightly, half smiling, before also leaving the room.

Silence once again returned in the room.

"I hope everything will turn out alright" Quatre then finally whispered.

Relena was known as being strong. She tried to live up to that expectation. She was graceful, calm, gentle, and kind. But right now, she felt she was downright cold-hearted. She was doing paper work, in the room where her love of her life lied unconscious. She sighed. There was just no other option. She looked up from her made shift office to glance at Heero. Now and then he would stir and murmel. Sometimes he continued to toss, talk and frown until she came over and soothed him. She really hoped he would be all right... She refocused on the work that lied before her, it had to be done. She worked for three hours until Heero suddenly grunted. When she looked up she noticed he was having a nightmare. Worried, she immediately went to his side, and grabbed his hand. His hand closed over hers and she felt her cheeks grow hot at this display of affection. Hope blossomed in her chest, if only Heero would let her in. She wanted to help him, she wanted to heal his wounds. She wanted him to do the same to her, for she knew he was the only one who could. Minutes became hours and Relena fell asleep.

He didn't know what woke him, but he found himself once again in the comfortable bed. Slowly he opened his eyes, and for once found himself alone in the room. No, not alone. He glanced at the weight that had settled itself on his arm.

Relena.

Did she stay with him the whole time?

The door opened, and Heero looked up to see Sally entering the room. When she saw he was awake she smirked.

"You just love to prove me wrong do you?" she teased, and went over to check his status. Heero looked at Relena again.

"She has been with you the whole time you know" Sally commented, answering his question without him saying anything. He slowly looked away from the sleeping Relena.

"How long have I been out?" he asked, his voice neutral as if he hadn't displayed so much emotion a few... hours? back.

"Five days"

Make that days. A few days back.

Suddenly Relena awoke. Her eyes slowly opened, and widened when she noticed he was awake. She got up and stared at Heero. He just stared back.

"Heero" she said softly.

"Relena" he answered. Was it just him, or did almost every conservation start with them uttering each other's names?

Suddenly Relena flung herself at him and hold him in a crushing hold. He blinked confused, and frowned when he heard her sniff softly. She was crying? He felt her hands grip the back of his shirt, and her head was buried in his neck.

"Please Heero" she pleaded softly, "please, allow me to help you. I will not be a bother, and I understand if you don't want to have me in your home. But we're really worried Heero. We all care about you, why won't you let us help you? Please, let me help you"

How did she know he knew everything? How did she know he overheard them talking about her moving in with him, when they thought he was asleep? Relena was trembling from emotions, and Heero closed his eyes in though. Slowly he relaxed, and one arm came up to embrace her. The other lay useless on the sheet, he wasn't ready to give in yet. Not again. But she needed him. But she seemed to be satisfied with his one arm hold, for her trembling lessened, and she stopped crying. But she refused to let him go.

Sally cleared her throat.

"I'll leave you two so you can talk" she said, and made a move to leave the room but Heero stopped her.

"You don't have to leave" he simply said, and Relena released him to look him in the eye. He stared at her while she sat on the bed, her eyes pleading with him. Begging him to let her in. How could he refuse? He didn't want to be alone anymore.

"It's fine"

Sally blinked, and Relena smiled.

"I-I tell the others, so that we can begin to move Relena's stuff" Sally stuttered, bewildered. And left to tell the others.

Relena reached over and took hold of his hands again.

"But on one condition"

Both girls froze.

"I want you to be my friend, that means not only listening but talking as well. If I am to let you in, I want you to do the same"

Relena smiled, and Sally sighed in relief.

"Deal" Relena responded, smiling.

And it was settled.

_**To be continued...**_

Well that's it again. I'm trying to update everything (I'm slow I know) thanks to all my reviewers, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Relena moving in wasn't my original thoughts. But this story kind of run off on me P It wasn't supposed to go this way, but I'm glad it did. I'm happy with it. And hey, it's what happens when you write on feeling.

Until next time.

Gasha Aisu.


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